Sum…sum…summertime!
It’s been a while since I’ve posted… a long while. And the reason is that nothing much has been happening. CJ has settled into a nice routine of working and attending his programs. He rides the bus several times a week and has as much independence as I can manage. He’s played baseball. He’s attended dances. He’s volunteered with the Blake Bortles Foundation. He spent time with family and friends. He’s out and about, and has begun to live the life I’ve carefully assembled for him. We have good days and bad days like everyone else. Mostly, things are good.
And now it’s summer again. There was a time when I dreaded summer. I would watch the calendar click away the days as the end of school drew closer and closer. Summer meant no school, no schedule, no bus, no breaks. Summer meant togetherness…the hell of 24/7 togetherness.
Summer has no schedule. And there is nothing worse for CJ (and for me) than no schedule.
Now, however, things are different. Now…we have the ARC.
We all look at the calendar as the spring days pass by with anticipation. Summer now means “college.” “College” means the Arc Jacksonville’s Summer LIFE program. “College” is a beautiful eight weeks of freedom – freedom for CJ to live the life of a college student without the responsibility of classes. He moves out of the house for two months. While he’s away, he learns life skills and how to be more independent in ways that are different from what I can teach him. He cooks, cleans, does his own laundry and takes his medication himself. And most importantly, he gets to swim. Every year, he proves something to us and to himself. He proves he can do more…more than any of us would have ever thought possible. He grows more every year he goes.
This will be his fourth year. The first year, we crept uneasily around the house while he was gone and were never too far from the phone. The next year, we went to the beach for a few days and enjoyed the quiet. Last year, we booked a cruise and left the country.
This year, we have another trip planned.
Eight weeks will fly by. Eight weeks where we settle into a world of What Could Be. Eight weeks where the world balances and we all feel a new kind of freedom. Eight weeks of summer.
Eight weeks is nothing.
Now, from the moment CJ comes home, he looks forward to going back. For months, he will talk about how much fun he had and everyone who was there. He will ask and ask and ask about moving out and going back. How do I look at the calendar and explain the 10 months until “next time?” How do we go back to just getting by, waiting for the life he wants to start again?
It’s hard sometimes, knowing that the world I’ve been able to put together isn’t enough for him. And yet, it’s wonderful that he feels that way…that he feels the potential for more.
I have to find that more. For both of us.
We are still looking for a place that is a good fit for him so he can move out. And finally, there are more and more opportunities coming up. So far, we haven’t found a match. But I know that the right place with come along at the right time. It just has to.
Until then, we have the summer!
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